you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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