Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
