You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
