I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
