Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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