Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
