Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
