she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
