peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
