I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
