In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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