You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
