I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
