I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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