So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
