I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
