She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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