oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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