i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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