hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
