I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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