he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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