all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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