i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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