you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
