Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
