ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
