Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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