I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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