You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
