I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
