Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
