I wannas sexs uuuuu
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
