capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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