Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
