I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
