We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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