K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
