he thought i was a dude.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
