When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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