I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
