It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
