where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
