Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
