im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
