I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
