Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
