Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
