We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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