I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
