I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
