I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
