Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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