i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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