dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
