The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
