hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
